I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I deserve this hangover.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
