I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
