and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
