real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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