That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
