i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
