its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
