I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
