New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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