that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
