That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How does it feel to date your dad?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
