dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
