Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize