i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
