I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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