So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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