areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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