benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
