i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
