since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
