out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
