I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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