I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
