she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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