I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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