hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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