How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
