Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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