So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
