Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
