my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
