One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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