You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
