Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
