overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i've created a new STD.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
