We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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