i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
