she was so not down for the gang bang
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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