Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
