Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
