mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
