i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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