she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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