Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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