the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
