I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
