i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
