tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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