Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
