Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
