question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
