Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
