I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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