the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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