Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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