can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Houston, we have a squirter
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
