It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I need water and some morals
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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