I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize