cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
