I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
