im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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