I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
