Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
