...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
