Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
