That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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