All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
