In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
