I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize