Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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