I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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