So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
