I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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