i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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