ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
