I'm sorry my penis didn't work
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
