you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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