Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I can't turn off my feet"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
