I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize