Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
