I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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