there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
