this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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